By Barton Goldsmith/Tribune News Service


Sometimes things happen that are beyond our control. We may think that we could have done something different to change the situation, but that’s a mind game we play with ourselves that actually does more harm than good. Maybe there was a way to prevent what happened, but second-guessing yourself or beating yourself up over it is counterproductive.
You need to face the problem head on and start working on resolving it.
When you are overwhelmed, your brain naturally looks for ways to help you feel better. Again, you need to avoid dwelling on what you could have done, or “what ifs”. Instead, you should concentrate on what you can do now and in the future.
You must put one foot in front of the other, so you can see more clearly and take care of what needs to be done.
Facing very challenging issues is stressful, and you can’t do it 24/7. Sometimes the best thing you can do is to get away from the problem, even if it’s just for a little while. (By the way, trying to escape with drugs or alcohol will give only very temporary relief and will not help you get to where you need to go.)
Take care of yourself, get some exercise, and drink plenty of water.
When you are under duress, keep it simple. Perhaps to get started you can try to do some easy and creative things around the house.
If you can take some time off, it may help to get away. Perhaps in a different environment, you will come up with some new ideas, and even if you don’t, being away will help you clear your head, so you can think more easily.
Getting emotional support is paramount when you are in the midst of a scary or chaotic episode. I cannot stress the importance of talking to and spending time with people who love you.
Professional counselling can also be a big help; an objective third party may be able to help you see things differently and even give you some additional coping mechanisms plus good advice for dealing with the issue that brought you there.
When you are dealing with significant life challenges, it changes you. Once you get through it, you will look at your life differently. One of the things you may find is that you are not as upset by the little things that used to bug you now that you’ve gotten through this big one. That is a hard fought gift that you need to cherish.
Critical incidents in our personal and professional lives can depress some people to the point where they think about taking their own lives. If you have any thoughts in that direction, you may need to speak to a mental health professional urgently.
Life can get ugly through no fault of your own. Crazy people, natural disasters and the economy can make your world a living hell.
You have to remember that you are a survivor and that you will get through this.

♦ Dr Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist in Westlake Village, California, is the author of The Happy Couple: How to Make Happiness a Habit One Little Loving Thing at a Time. Follow his daily insights on Twitter at @BartonGoldsmith, or e-mail him at Barton@bartongoldsmith.com