In our society, many people are struggling to find happiness, work/life balance and mental well-being.
Most people would agree that we all gain much of this emotional health when we belong to a reasonably close-knit family. Family life gives us many of our warm and fuzzy feelings.
In our times, however, family life is disintegrating. This reality is disturbing, and it erodes our morale as a society.
We continue to feel the impact of divorce, strained parent-child relationships because of divorce, and the gnawing loneliness of those without families to lean on.
We need to make it a national goal to turn this around.
If most marriages in a nation were stable, this would help to boost its morale. Why? We could stop dealing with family drama and concentrate on enjoying life.
Strong marriages would help keep extended families intact as well. This includes aunts, uncles and cousins that can total dozens of people.
If you split a marriage, this is similar to splitting the atom. When it explodes, there is a lot of fallout and horrific damage.
For those of us who have been through a divorce, we can document the emotional and financial pain of starting over.
“I got divorced 15 years ago,” says a friend of ours we’ll call Jenna. “I have been sliding on emotional banana peelings ever since!”
While all marriages won’t survive, regardless of how hard the partners try, many can.
These tips can help:
lRealise that marriage is a very complex relationship. A marriage involves in-laws, usually children, and the belief systems of two extended families merging in your household. Think of marriage as orchestrating a lot of factors. Get over believing it’s a simple union between just two people.
lYou have to make your needs known. We can all get into real trouble by believing our mates should automatically know we need certain things. For example, if paying your bills on time is important to you, make sure your partner knows this. And, make sure you can list the top five needs of your mate - and help him or her meet them.
lKeep a strong sense of humour. Your biggest arguments will come when someone’s needs aren’t met. For example, if your mate buys ice cream when you’re dieting, make a joke of it. A marriage starts to deteriorate if you turn your ice-cream-toting partner into an enemy.
lDo nurture in a major way. If you make sure your husband’s or wife’s car is full of gas and you offer to scrape ice off the windshield, this puts a big deposit into your partner’s love bank. Fixing a meal and changing the sheets is good, too.
Past the honeymoon phase, love that you act out in reality is all that counts. “My husband and I have been married 52 years,” says a friend of ours we’ll call Helen. “We still act like we’re dating. Do we always feel like acting this nice? Absolutely not. But, if you act out good behaviours, it gets you back on track.”
“I honestly believe that most marriages are sabotaged from the outside,” says a psychologist friend of ours. We’ll call him Jerry.
“Trust me,” says Jerry, “in-laws and others can actually feel powerful by bullying a couple in love. They get a high off making your marriage explode. We worry about foreign terrorists, but I am more worried about what I call “domestic terrorists”. Watch over your marriage like a hawk!”

- Judi Light Hopson is the executive director of the stress management website USA Wellness Cafe at www.usawellnesscafe.com. Emma Hopson is an author and a nurse educator. Ted Hagen is a family psychologist.