We all need to realise that we run our lives on the strengths of other people. None of us can make it on our own.
In an ideal world, all of us would have thoughtful, helpful people in our circle of life.
For example, imagine having a doctor who is devoted to keeping you healthy. Or, picture having a great auto mechanic who fixes your car and avoids charging you a fortune. Or, how about a boss who wants you to enjoy your job and get ahead in your career?
But many of us struggle with immature vs. mature people in our circle. We have “adult children” instead of helpful, trustable adults around us. That’s when we can get into real trouble.
What’s worse, we can stay in trouble, if we happen to be one of the immature adults! Being an immature adult means we think we’re okay, but everyone else is causing the problems.
A simple definition of a “mature” adult is someone who makes problems better, not worse. These types of people take a bad situation and find some calm control. How did they get this way? Well, they practiced solving problems until they evolved into being the mature adult in the room.
“My husband thinks like a 14-year-old,” says a woman we’ll call Jeanette. “My dad was exactly like him. I don’t believe I ever realised what a mature, adult man was until I met my supervisor. He is a problem solver, and I can have an adult conversation with him.”
She told us her previous supervisor was the opposite. “He yelled and screamed, criticised everyone as much as possible, and made life miserable for us all.”
If you are an adult who desires to grow personally and professionally, try these strategies to develop more maturity:
- Become part of the solution. Every time you run across a problem, strive to stay calm and invent solutions. Mature people want to reverse the pain of a problem, while immature people kick up dust and make every problem grow bigger.
- Make it a habit to encourage others. The fastest way to get people to improve is to encourage them, however hard it is.
- Practise thinking ahead. Mature people lead others by visualising good outcomes. Don’t wait for others to picture the path of where you need to go. Create the vision and the steps for a plan to make something happen.
“I once got arrested for screaming at my wife in a parking lot,” says a friend of ours we’ll call Todd. Todd says he had gotten into the habit of verbally brawling with his wife.
“When a problem arose, I would rise up like a hissing snake,” Todd admits. “I would strike my wife with rude comments until she drew back and stopped talking. This time, though, she didn’t. She kept yelling and I kept yelling until the cops showed up.”
Todd says he’s now behaving like a mature adult. “I ended up in anger management classes,” he told us. “We watched a lot of videos about ways to act like a mature adult. Our instructor would say, ‘Mature people like to grab hold of a problem and make things better. Foolish people strike a match to a problem and make it burn brighter’. I got the picture.”

- Judi Light Hopson is the executive director of the stress management website USA Wellness Cafe at www.usawellnesscafe.com. Emma Hopson is an author and a nurse educator. Ted Hagen is a family psychologist.