When I was a kid, my dad brought home a telephone-answering device. He was such a cutting-edge guy. Back in the pre-digital days, this machine would lift the handle of the phone, so it could connect and record the message.
It was about the size of a big telephone book, and all the neighbours came over to see it.
We kids couldn’t touch it, so we waited until dad got home to listen to who called today. It was fun for a little while, and then we got used to it, and then more technology entered our lives. Some of it made life easier, some of it made life more complicated, but that’s progress.
Ultimately, this progress has helped save lives and kept people closer.
I can remember sitting at home waiting for phone calls before answering machines changed our lives and we all became more mobile by checking messages from our pagers on payphones (remember either one of those?).
Life and communication has changed drastically since then, and although getting in touch with others is much easier and more efficient than it used to be, in some ways our communication has become less personal.
It may not be so important in the grand scheme of things, but are we even losing the habit of using each other’s names?
Communicating by text or e-mail will suffice in most situations, but if you want to give your message some emotional impact, please use the other person’s name in your communication.
The person on the receiving end may not notice it on a conscious level, but it does have an impact. Instead of seeing what you sent as just another text, the recipient may get in touch with his or her feelings toward you and respond appropriately.
I do try to use people’s names in all of my correspondence, and it helps me focus my attention on that person. I think it also makes my communication clearer as well as more polite. People generally respond positively to niceness.
It’s not easy to be mean to someone who is being kind and cordial, so even if there’s an unsettled issue, being polite can only help.
Also, when I answer the phone, I use my name. I don’t just say hello (unless it’s an obvious marketing call or message).
It’s precisely because things in our world have become so much more complicated that we need to keep the personal touch alive in our communications. It puts people at ease and shows you are fully present and willing to talk about whatever is on the table.
In face-to-face conversations, saying someone’s name once or twice is great - especially at the beginning and or end of a conversation - but don’t overdo it.
There are other ways to make conversations more personal, and you can always ask what someone else prefers when it comes to both verbal and written communication. That way, you know exactly how to make the other person feel heard.

- Dr Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist in Westlake Village, California, is the author of The Happy Couple: How to Make Happiness a Habit One Little Loving Thing at a Time. Follow his daily insights on Twitter at @BartonGoldsmith, or e-mail him at Barton@bartongoldsmith.com