Do you ever wonder why your boss is often irritated with you? Or, do you have a teenage son who always seems ready to throw a fit?
We live in a world where stress abounds, but it helps to stay ahead of it. You can do that, to some degree, by pumping emotional support into other people.
Some people are emotionally empty, so if you drain their tanks further, it will backfire on you. One wrong word or one wrong move, and they will let the tension spew!
So, take the high road, if you can. Think about how you are affecting other people and stay proactive.
If you make some deposits into the emotional bank account of another person, way ahead of a tense moment, he or she likely won’t be so upset when there’s a bump in the road. Why? Because you cared enough to give of yourself in the first place.
“I had a client who was constantly late to work, but she wondered why her boss won’t cut her any slack,” says an HR counsellor we’ll call Jack. “We all need to wake up and review our impact on other people.”
Jack explained the following to his client:
lOther people know when we’ve got them covered. If your boss gives you a hard time, it could be that you’ve not supported him or her. If you’ve been late and your work is sloppy, you are pulling energy from the workplace.
lPeople perceive if you’re a team player. Even a small child at a daycare centre knows which caregivers go the extra mile. If you stay on top of helping others, they will most likely reciprocate with kind words and actions.
All of us have an emotional bank account. And, we can feel who’s making deposits and who’s making too many withdrawals.
“My dad is using me to cause tension between my stepmom and mom,” says a college freshman we’ll call Peyton. “Dad made me call my mom to deliver stressful news, telling her the fact he and my stepmom are going on a cruise, when he’s been late with child support for my little brother.”
Peyton went on to tell us: “He wanted me to hint that the cruise was my stepmom’s idea. Boy! He is setting her up as a target, when she is totally innocent!”
Peyton’s dad would be a lot better off if he interacted more thoughtfully with his ex-wife. For example, he should tell her: “I want to pay my child support payments on time. I know you are counting on that money.” Then, he should follow through with sending the money on time. Going on a cruise is not an option when you are not supporting your child’s needs.
Other ways to make deposits into other people’s lives include the following:
lVerbalise what they’re doing right. Tell them you appreciate certain efforts, or brag on a project someone completed.
lAct with total respect. Even if someone says something unkind to you, try to stay grounded. Don’t fire back.
lTake people small gifts, whenever possible. This might be a magazine, a cup of coffee, a newspaper fresh out of the vending machine, or a tiny vase of flowers.
Speaking and acting with kindness, or spending a small amount of money on someone, shows them you honour their feelings. Then, when you have to ask something of them, they will respond more thoughtfully to you.

- Judi Light Hopson is the executive director of the stress management website USA Wellness Cafe at www.usawellnesscafe.com. Emma Hopson is an author and a nurse educator. Ted Hagen is a family psychologist.