Did you have a less-than-ideal childhood? Were your parents or kinfolk a little strange or abusive?
If so, use the bad role models in your life to make your life successful.
By studying human behaviours that don’t work, you can figure out how to build your own life into something special. Otherwise, all your pain is going to waste.
“I vowed to be just the opposite of my mother,” says a doctor we’ll call Gena. “Mom was so negative, I could barely function after one of her screaming outbursts.”
When Gena left home for college, she took on a new life approach. She decided to remain positive in every possible situation.
“My dad was quite well-heeled, so Mom had the luxury to be negative,” Gena laughs. “Mom didn’t have to get out of her comfort zone to make life work. She just sat back on her throne and threw rocks at everybody else.”
Gena is one of the most successful women in her community. She has a super-nice husband and two well-adjusted children. But, Gena is a great role model herself because she raises money for those in her community who can’t afford enough food and medical care.
A 31-year-old man we’ll call Tom says his dad was a terrible role model. Tom grew up watching his dad attack employees at their fishing guide business.
“One by one, our employees would quit,” says Tom. “Dad would throw a fit and our customers would have no guide for the day. So, I’d step up and serve as their guide. I took on the role of guide for the first time at just 11 years old.”
By studying his father’s quick temper and lack of social skills, Tom became a lay expert on human behaviour. He read every book he could find on getting along with people.
“I wore out several copies of How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie,” laughs Tom.
If you come from a long line of dysfunctional people, odd-ball relatives or discontented kinfolk, don’t despair. Be the first person in your clan to turn the tide. If no one takes on this important role, this is a huge loss for your descendants.
“I learned through Ancestry.com that my relatives were quite successful before the 1920s,” says a man we’ll call Jed. “After the big Stock Market crash at the end of that decade, my grandmother had always told me that my granddad and uncles started drinking. If you saw my extended family now, you can see the impact of this bad luck on several generations.”
Jed felt sad and confused when he ran across photos of his grandfather’s farm taken at a gathering in 1920. There were dozens of family members in the photo standing near an enormous barn, which would cost a fortune to build today. The house was stunningly beautiful, too.
Once Jed could clearly understand the bad luck of his predecessors, he decided to forgive all of the strangeness he had lived through.
“I forgave my odd-ball cousins who always gave me a hard time,” says Jed. “I forgave my uncles who drank and caused family problems.”
Jed has a new goal to become a role model for his community.
“The madness stops with me!” laughs Jed. “I have a new baby son who will observe my attitude, words and behaviours throughout life. The bad role models of my past are actually prompting me to do a lot better!”

By studying human behaviours that don’t work, you can figure out how to build your own life into something special

*Judi Light Hopson is the executive director of the stress management website USA Wellness Cafe at
www.usawellnesscafe.com Emma Hopson is an author and a nurse educator. Ted Hagen is a family psychologist.