Recently, my almost-a-daughter took me to see Sting for my birthday. So glad I helped raise a child with good musical taste. Unbeknownst to me, her mother (my ex) was there too. Our relationship did not end badly, so we have always been friends, and it was good to see her in her element of being a grandmother, mother, and “therapist” all at the same time. We had a good talk.
She actually gave up the guest room for me, so the kids wouldn’t wake me at 5am. Mind you, this is someone who could still be upset with me because I ended our relationship 20 years ago. Many people would hold a grudge, but not “Bunky”.
She is just too good a person to let herself hold on to hate. Now her daughter is raising two (incredibly handsome) boys with the same attitude toward life. Teaching them to be good people and good to each other. It will serve them well and help them pick partners with the same values, and it does take a lot of parenting.
Teaching life lessons to young children is not as hard as it sounds, and they get the rewards (as do you) returned rather quickly. Spending your time focused on teaching them to behave is something most parents think they do, but you also have to take the time to explain why Chuck shouldn’t take away Tom’s toys. Yes, that takes some extra effort, but that explanation sets the tone for the family, and that tone will last for generations if you nurture it. Remember, the days go slow, but the years go fast.
As with most things, learning to be a good person should start when you are young, but it is never too late to learn and put into action what you have absorbed. Most of it is just about making the choice to help those around you feel more comfortable. Sounds simple enough, but our own wants and needs often get in the way.
Being a good person is not the same as being a doormat. Quite the contrary. It means that you make strong choices to help those you care for, and those who are in your path feel your empathy and consideration. All you can do is set the example and hope they see and pay it forward.
This family has made a conscious decision to be good people, and it is pretty natural for them. Some of us didn’t come from that kind of nurturing background, and so we have to learn as we go. Having family around you is very nice, but just having good people in your life, who actively try and improve the situation for you as well as themselves, is truly wonderful, whether they are family or not.
Everyone has challenges in their lives, and it is easy to be negatively influenced by what is going on around you, but if you hold fast to the value of simply being a good person, it will help you navigate those rough times we all seem to have.
That’s really about all it takes to change the world, and considering what’s been going on, we need to do all we can.

* Dr Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist in Westlake Village, California, is the author of The Happy Couple: How to Make Happiness a Habit One Little Loving Thing at a Time. Follow his daily insights on Twitter at @BartonGoldsmith, or email him at Barton@bartongoldsmith.com